|Death and Disconnection
||[Apr. 28th, 2005|12:12 am]
The Nancy Tribe
Since the meeting I hadn’t really been in the mood to be around people. I became a slayer only, going out at night, dispatching vampires, demons, anything I could get my hands on that seemed to be up to no good. I didn’t care, didn’t feel, didn’t think, just went out, hunted, stalked, killed, slayed. I found peace in it, the dance, the game, the kill, twirling and twisting against them, dodging and thrusting, and knowing that I’d win. I always did. I went out alone and I beat them, no matter how strong or how many, I didn’t care. The truth is, I didn’t care if I didn’t win, I wasn’t connected, I couldn’t even help Triffy, I was too connected to strands that had hurt her, and yet, I wasn’t connected at all. I avoided Tara, and she avoided me, it was awkward, we’d both been drunk, and had kissed, but we both know her feelings lay with Willow, and I wasn’t about to try and get in the way. The weeks passed in the same haze, slaying, sleeping late, breakfast in the afternoon, and then training until I went out once the darkness fell, it was winter, so darkness fell early, and lasted a long time, I left when it dropped and returned when it broke. I ate my dinner when I returned, eating the leftovers of last nights evening meal, devouring whatever was there, I’d worked up and appetite after all.|
They healed Triffy and still I continued my rituals, from all accounts she didn’t really remember much of what had gone on in the last year, and I guess I didn’t want to remind her, or perhaps I didn’t want to remind myself, I didn’t have a watcher, I trained alone, and hunted alone, I was old enough to look after myself I would remind anyone who dared to speak to me and that would keep them away. I didn’t need anyone, and no-one needed me, sure, I was a good fighter, but no-one would notice if I disappeared, there were plenty more girls to take my place, the balance wouldn’t shift if one time I didn’t return... I always did though, always did.
I don’t know how long it would have continued, how long I would have carried on in this living-dead had it not been for him, I saw him when I was out one night, stalking some girl, and I knew it was time to get it over with. He saw me and left the bar, only one last glance my way gave away the fact he expected me to follow.
It wasn’t long before I caught up to him, or not long before he let me catch up, in a suitably dark and deserted side street. He turned to face me and it began.
“Been a while” I stated
“You miss me?” He replied
“Not so much”
“Aww sweetie, not bitter now are you?”
“Hmm, am I bitter you went and got vamped up by some 2 bit whore and then hooked up with some craggy faced bitch who tormented my friend into madness..., bitter? me? never!”
“And how is... Triffy.. was it? Maybe I should pay her a visit”
“You will not. Ever. Go. Near. Her. Again. Understand?”
“Ooh touchy aren’t you”
I’d had enough of talking, we’d been doing the circle circle back and forth dance, I’d had enough of it, he incited a mixture of loathing and arousal, and that irritated me all the more. I went at him kicking, and landed one square in his chest sending him backwards and leading to him almost losing his balance.
“You know I always liked it rough honey” his teeth flashed as he said it, and a shiver ran down my spine.
“Show me, don’t tell me”
He came at me, and we fought. Kicking, punching, even scratching, the fighting became more intense, and I felt the electricity between us. Huh, I guess this was what Ieuthan meant by connection. I landed a particularly fierce blow to his chest and he fell to the ground, I followed him down and pinned him to the floor, I put the stake close to his chest and inched it further, down, down, but he put me off balance and then I was the one pinned down, he led me there, and I looked into his eyes. Feral, animal, cold, but also burning. The mixed feelings confused me, but at least I felt something. it was a nice change, I went to fight him off, but instead we kissed, passionate and hungry, biting, scratching, wanting, touching, fighting, breathing, it was our final dance, our bodies danced together in the cold, and when it was over, I kissed him goodbye. I don’t know if I would have let him go, but he had to push me, one last time, he went to kill me, to bite me and suck the life away, so I plunged the stake deep into him, and he disappeared. The cold night air made my hairs stand up on end, and I walked back.
That night changed me, it brought me back from the self-imposed loneliness, shook me up and little by little I started reforming relationships. I started taking small groups of slayers into the library and teaching them things; they had their official lessons of course, but I had experience of actually doing it, and I would talk to them, show them pictures of demons I’d fought. I also trained in the cellars with some, sparred, attacked and counter-attacked. I started connecting with things again, connecting with people. I guess I have Jeremy to thank for that.